We’re going to wrap up my recent #mamabear rants with reasons we should be giving grace over judgment to other parents. I mean, not only to other parents, but because this was an indirect judgment from the soccer incident (you can read all about that here), we’re going to stay on that track for this post.
Disclaimer before we dive in though, this post isn’t saying that I’m perfect by any means. It’s simply a response to the heaviness that being a parent of a child with a “disability” has to deal with because of society. Like I mentioned in my last post, I want to be better. I want to choose to be better, to give more grace over judgment, to support other parents, not tear them down. This post isn’t meant to call out others without calling out myself.
My hope is that it’s an open door to a conversation about how giving grace over judgment to other parents is the best thing we can do for each other.
Four reasons we should be giving grace over judgment
1. Parenting is hard enough without judgment. In the mini series we’re doing over on Instagram, I shared 17 Powerful Truths Every Parent Should Read (from the book 1000+ Little Habits). The chapter began with “It takes courage to raise a child…” And man, if that isn’t the truth.
Becoming a parent is simultaneously one of the best and hardest things in this world. In the blink of an eye, you are responsible for this other life and the gravity of that is overwhelming. What’s even more overwhelming is when you are being judged based on the way you decide to parent your child.
Honestly, EVERYONE has an opinion and thinks THEIR way to parent is THE best way, and at some point you will be judged on what you decide to do or not do. So, I have come to a place in my life that society will no longer dictate what is best for myself, my family or my children. Sometimes that can feel lonely, overwhelming and like no one gets you or sees you….but I’m not about to stop now!
2. You don’t know the full story. This was a point I made in my other post, but it’s worth bringing here too, because this is why we should be more about giving grace over judgment to other parents.
Especially when it comes to parents with kids that have a disability. And honestly, my kid doesn’t LOOK like most with a disability. So I get that it’s hard to SEE, but maybe that’s yet another reason why we don’t judge a book by its cover 😉
There are a lot of things that have to be adjusted when your kid operates outside of what is considered “normal”, especially when you are parenting a “Nuero-Diverse” child. Some parenting techniques that may have worked for other children, probably won’t work with them because they are wired a little differently.
Here’s where I want to go back (for the last time, I promise!) to the soccer situation. The other parent didn’t know me, or my son, yet made a rash judgment on him in order to comfort her child. But had she known that my son has CP, ADHD and SPD, is “Neuro-Diverse”, and struggles with things like spatial awareness and impulsivity, then she probably wouldn’t have called him a bully.
Now here’s where I’m giving grace over judgment here myself, but I would like to believe that she probably would have comforted her child and explained that Blaine didn’t push him on purpose. That Blaine was so focused on the end goal of getting to the ball, that he wasn’t aware of how close he was because his brain works a little differently.
If this parent had given grace instead of judgment, the entire situation could have been different. The #mamabear instinct would have been quickly erased in favor of gratefulness to be supported as a parent doing her best.
3. Grace over PERFECTION. It truly shouldn’t be more complicated than this, and yet it is. Offering grace instead of judgment should be our initial reaction, because if we’re honest with ourselves, there are times you’re going to need it too. There are no perfect children, and there are no perfect parents. We are all on this journey through life, and I’m just doing my best to LOVE my children and help them LOVE who they are.
4. “Walk a mile” or spend a day in their shoes. While this can apply to every parent, I’m going to talk about this one specifically for those who are parents of a child with special needs.
If you aren’t a parent of special needs children, then you aren’t aware of the countless doctors appointments, therapy appointments, IEP meetings and other things that come with the territory.
You haven’t witnessed the meltdowns (or “Hulking out” as I refer to it).
Struggles in a marriage are normal, but did you know that the divorce rate in families with a child who has a disability can be as high as 87%? And trust me, I can 100% attest that having a kid with all of these struggles puts a HUGE strain on our marriage. My therapist and our marriage therapist was on speed dial for a while
At the end of the day, until you walk a mile in their shoes, giving grace over judgment is the easiest thing you can do for another parent.
We’re all doing the best we can, parents.
We all have our good days, and we all have our bad days, AND SO DO OUR KIDS! But can you just imagine a world where we are giving grace over judgment to each other instead of tearing one another down? Whether it’s a passive aggressive comment just loud enough so they can hear, but never a conversation to get to know them, or private conversations when they aren’t around….it all sucks.
And what about the effects it’ll have on our kids? Watching us extend grace instead of quickly jumping to judgment. They say change starts at home, and I think I rather agree with that statement. So before you run into a situation with judgment, I hope this conversation will make you stop and think about how much more beneficial giving grace over judgment will be for that other parent, and for you.
I know that I am THE best mom I can be for my kids. I love all three fiercely, albeit differently. I am not perfect, and I screw up on the daily, but lucky for ME, my kids constantly extend ME grace and let me love on them, apologize and try better each and every day.
