Imagine me, someone who has without a doubt judged others frequently, sitting down to write two reasons you shouldn’t judge or label others. I feel like this is such a simple concept, yet so hard for us to do these days.
Don’t judge other parents, and don’t label kids. Period.
It’s easy to judge other parenting styles, and I’m saying that as someone who has judged even my own husband’s parenting style!
Not too long ago, there were a couple run-ins with a parent on my son’s soccer team, and I realized that giving other parents grace doesn’t seem to be a first reaction. So, after hopping on my IG stories to verbal vomit my exasperation and frustration in a total #mamabear manner, I sat down to share three reasons you shouldn’t judge or label – parents or kids! And perhaps follow this up with a Part 2, on what it feels like to BE the parent that is judged.
If you’ve been around here for a while, then you’d know that I am a very involved mama to three absolutely amazing kiddos, but all 3 are very different from one another.
One of them in particular is someone who beats to the sound of his own drum. This kid pushes boundaries, he pushes limits, he thinks the rules don’t apply to him and speaks like he is a 17 year old (i.e. he swears like a sailor, he has no filter, and tells it like it is).
And trust me- I’ve tried all the things– literally, all of them. I’ve spoken to a therapist, a behavioral therapist, I’ve read all the books, we’ve done countless amounts of brain balance therapy – I’m telling you, all the things.
One thing remains constant: Between his Cerebral Palsy, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (He is a sensory seeker) – helping him be the very best version of himself will be a lifelong journey. There isn’t a single answer or a “quick fix”.
Because TRULY, this kid has a mind all his own and I’ve been learning how to work with that.
My job as his mama, is to make sure that he is safe, feels loved, and help him become a successful human and member of society (while obviously keeping others around him safe as well). So when he steps over the line, I do my best to make sure that he is aware of it and how he can fix it.
Which brings me to my “why” for sharing two reasons you shouldn’t judge or label others.
My husband and I were watching my son’s soccer team warm up for a game when our son went for the ball and in the process, knocked another kid down. My son didn’t push him, but that little boy burst into tears, ran up to his mom, and said, “Blaine pushed me, he pushed me”.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever watched a soccer game, so just in case you haven’t here’s a gif for you to see how things can play out.
I’m not saying the kid wasn’t hurt, but he definitely was not pushed. And while I may be slightly irritated with the child (and, I’ll even admit, I definitely rolled my eyes), it wasn’t the child that I was ultimately frustrated with. It was his mother and HOW she responded to him.
Because her response to him crying saying that my son pushed him was, “Well, Blaine is a bully and you need to stand up for yourself”!
Hold up. A BULLY?!
It’s soccer practice and kids fall. They trip, they get knocked down, they can be pushed unintentionally – again, here’s another gif for you.
But that doesn’t mean that my kid is a bully. And now, due to the words of that parent, she taught her kid that labeling my son a bully was okay to do, even when he didn’t do anything wrong.
Which brings me to the first of two reasons you shouldn’t judge or label others:
1. You’re setting an example to your own children.
Even if my kid did intentionally push another kid, automatically labeling my kid as a bully, without considering the circumstances surrounding it, is setting an example to your kid that it’s okay to just call other kids names when you get hurt.
It is MY opinion that the word: Bully, gets thrown around FAR too often these days. Do I think bullies exist, yes. Do I think cyberbullying is a problem? Absolutely. But, before we LABEL and throw the B word around, maybe we pause and see if we can teach our kids conflict resolution, instead of a victim mentality.
The second of my two reasons you shouldn’t judge or label others is:
2. You may not know the full story.
Until you’ve walked a mile in another parent’s shoes, you can’t and shouldn’t judge them. You can’t judge the way that they are handling a situation because you’re just not in it. Just like social media is a highlight reel, the glimpse of parenting you see is just a part of that moment– not the whole moment.
Let’s jump back to the soccer story for a second because we definitely shouldn’t be judging or labeling other kids. Did this woman (who called mine a Bully) know the whole story? No.
Does she know that Blaine has CP, ADHD and SPD? Does she know ALL the things that this kid goes through on a daily/weekly basis? Does she know that he is “Neuro-Diverse” and REALLY struggles with spatial awareness and impulsivity?
No. She does not. Her reaction to the situation proves that she knew nothing about him, but labeled him anyways. Because I can almost say with certainty that she would have shown up differently for both of our kids if she would have known.
Now, I get the irony. That the reason I sat down to write this blog post was because I was frustrated over the way a parent decided to comfort her child. But here’s the thing, and I guess you could call it a bonus reason you shouldn’t judge other parents, we should want to be better.
I want to be better, I want to choose to be better. I want to give more grace, to take a step back and think about all the millions of little things that added up to the point where they couldn’t take it anymore. I want to support other parents, not tear them down.
I want to teach my kid how to handle conflict, how to stand up for himself, and how HE can deal with people that maybe don’t understand him. I get that this little one is only 7, but this world can be freaking cruel.
I refuse to let him be labeled, I refuse to let him be called names, just based on misunderstandings and I refuse to let the judgment of others overshadow this incredible journey of parenthood.
Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to do our best, to raise humans that will become a successful part of society. Aren’t we?
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